My story
by HentaiLover69
Summary: Drinking contests with Old Man Yama, Orgies at the SWA, Rukia. I weep for what I have lost, and scream for what I have given up.
1. Chapter 1

The guy making the speech was droning on and on. To be perfectly honest, I wasn't really paying attention. He was going on and on about how I was to uphold the honour of the Squads. Nothing important. I was watching Soi Fon out of the corner of my eye. I was thinking about what position would be her favourite. Anyway, Old man Yama had had enough.

"Will you hurry up?" He yells out "I've got to shit like a motherfucker!"

Kenpachi and me made a bet. How many way could we maim Mayuri and get Orihime to heal him before we got caught? We thought about ten. That fucker was tough. We ran him through, threw him of that huge cliff, stuffed into an oven, dropped him through the ceiling when Retsu was changing. Fed him foot first into a chipper. That was fun. After that we had to stop and think about what to do next.

I was about to enter the history books. About to become a legend, a hero, an idol, and inspiration to every male alive (and dead as well). In each corner of my room burned a candle. Upon my bed were satin sheets, and upon _them _lay a naked Rangiku. She lay there without a stitch of clothing, lit by the flickering light of the candles. In the light, each curve was highlighted, and every dip accentuated. Shapley toes and feet led to long, silky smooth legs. Each muscle was taut beneath her skin, each inch of exposed skin exquisitely sensitive. Bare, wide hips led to a taunt stomach, each abdominal visible. Her arm were on either side of her head, calloused palms holding her so she could see me down her over her body. Her breasts, envy of every woman who had met her, stood firm over a sturdy ribcage. I climbed onto the bed, made my way toward her, between her legs. I dipped my head, and blew a gigantic raspberry on her stomach.

"Do not presume to comfort me, girl. How could you? You cannot know what I have suffered. Live for another thousand years, live the life that I have, and you will. Every day wake to find the person you love more than any other beside you, have them work beside you as you work, walk beside you as you walk, talk beside you as you talk, drink beside you as you drink, eat beside you as you eat, fight beside you as you fight, sleep beside you as you sleep, and you will know what I felt. Be helpless and unable to do anything as you watch them die. As they are tortured. As you see your unborn child torn from their belly and devoured. Receive a child's skull inside her's as a parting gift, and you will know how I feel..."

"Tell me, do you think words can alleviate that feeling? Words, sounds, noise, vibrations of the air? I have chosen my path. I will walk it until I walk no more, or those ahead have fallen. "

This is my story.

AN: Straight off the bat, these are teasers for the main story. I can't update often. I type slowly, with many errors. Also, this isn't a planned story. This is an inner monologue, and I'm going to improvise it, to help its realistic. So going off the top of my head, when an idea comes to me, there may be contradictions. Its Ichigo's perspective, B.T.W. IchiRuki. That little scene with Rangiku will be in there. Rukia is just kinky. Probably the characters will be acting OC. Whatever. Don't whinge to me, my story my choice


	2. Chapter 2

Up. Dow. Up. Down. An endless cycle. So my blade moves, so my blade takes another life. The blood of millions coats my hands, heart and souls. An ocean of sorrow, mine and others, flows ahead, around and behind me. My life I chose, I live.

It was not always so. Everything changes, given enough time. I left the Soul Society because of change, and now all that was is gone.

I am Ichigo. Captain. Widower. Visard. Demon. Phantom. Monster. Saviour. Hero. Legend. Forgotten. Friend. Lover. Enemy. Food. I have many titles, none of them mine.

It's been my hollow that's kept me alive. Longer, _too_ long perhaps, than anyone else. Those that came with me are dead, or left for the Soul Society. Many came with me to Heudo Munco. Some died before they even drew a second breath, slaughtered in the first seconds. Others died later. The attrition was terrible. Endless battle, endless trekking, endless night. Inevitably the body or mind failed. The rest, the truly "strong", gave up. Over time, feelings dulled, and passion waned. They despaired at ever finding our quarry. They gave up. Revenge could not sustain them, only I. My body never grew tired. As a visard I could simply eat my fallen foes for sustenance. I would never forgive those that wronged me, never. My hollow side, my baser, violent, destructive side, is at home here. It should, this is where it belongs. There is no holding back here. If it moves, it dies. The shinigami in me requires nothing more that revenge to sustain it. So here I am. For...Years? Decades? Long enough to become a legend, a thing of myth. A terrible monster that stalks ceaselessly, searching for something that can never be found. Well, that's wrong. I'll find what I want. What happens next is what will be remembered. I am the silent ghost, killer of all. It wasn't always like that. The first step into this hell was met with violence. Ceaselessly, for longer than I can remember we fought. Like sharks the hollows flocked to us, drawn by the smell of food and death. We destroyed them all. They destroyed us, as well. For the first time, it was still. So in that stillness, we left. The worst part was the anticipation. We never knew when we were going to be attacked. To be on guard like that is impossible to sustain. I was unaffected. I fought to die, not to live. In the end the strain was too much and my companions left or snapped.

After I was left alone, my encounters became less and less. The dogs didn't seek me out; it was their masters turn. These were not mindless beasts, but things that could think, and reason. Some wanted to fight, some wanted to reason, some wanted to mate. All fell and fed me well. I walk alone, with only the moon and the sand for company.

Its not all bad. Technically, I am still a captain. The base edict of a captain is to protect the human world from hollows. I simply destroy them before they can harm anyone. That was how the brass spelt it out. I don't care. I still meet with old friends sometimes. Not often, but more than never. Every time I see them they age more and more, whereas I never seem to. Occasionally I go to the human world. I am still human at heart. Nobody can resist the call of chocolate forever.

In the hours between the fighting, wandering the desert, I remember my former life, the one I gave up. I don't miss the paper work, that's for sure. The company, actual interaction with other people? You don't know what you have until it's gone. It started when Rukia stabbed me with a sword. Bitch. Read any history book, they can tell you what happened. The interesting things did not start happening until I finished face-raping Aizen with my sword.


	3. Chapter 3

Right. So me and Retsu jump out of the gate way, and take in the scene. The history books write it differently, but I was there. We couldn't write down what really happened. Its too embarrassing. I still face palm when I think about it. As soon as the Espada got into Fake Kakura, pretty much gave Aizen the finger and fucked off to do their own thing. Stark and Shusin were drinking. Stark was a complete lightweight. At one point he during the celebrations he grabbed Tia and rammed his tongue down her throat. She responded in kind. Pretty sure their fuck session levelled a couple of buildings. Barragan just went back to Heudo Menco. Tia and Matsumoto were discussing fashion. Gin had kicked Aizen in the balls and joined them. Hitsu and Lilynete were talking about something. I don't know what, I didn't really care. Soi fon and Old Man Yama were screaming at every one to fight. So was Aizen, actually. No, actually, wait! Tousen was fighting! He and the fox guy. That happened. Probably the only thing to happen. The visard were there, catching up with every one. Both sides leaders give up trying to rally the troops, and simply prepare to face on another directly. Thats when I came in. I drop in behind Aizen, slash him real good. I grab him by the shoulder, and whisper in his ear

"You know why I'm better than you, Aizen? I didn't miss your spine, bitch."

He looks down, and there go his waist and everything below them. Everybody just stops and stares.

"So, whats for dinner?"

Thats what really happened. That night, we partied and drank until we passed out. The espada, sans the ones we killed, went back to Heudo, and we sat down to figure the story out. After a while, a good while, I just said to make any old shit up. As long as nobody dies, its all good. Somebody pointed out the issue of injurys. I just said to make if Orihime healed them. Thats how the history books were written.

Old man Yama came over to me, and said I was to be a captain. Shut up. I killed the big bad, I got to be a captain. Get your ass in gear, the ceremony was tomorrow.


	4. Chapter 4

So, i was taken back to SS, along with everyone else. The group of people i was with were the important people. The captains, lieutenants, their relatives. All the little people had gone before us. Some were travelling regularly between the two realms. Therefore, when we arrived, there was a great deal of fan fare. Under normal circumstances, we would have been more than happy to bask in the glory. At that moment, however, most of us were dealing with the worst hangovers of our lives.

Matsumoto was apparently immune to these side effects at this point in her life. She was as bubbly as ever. The multiple meat injections she had received from Gin could have helped, as well. I wasn't game to ask. I would have, but had I opened my mouth, my guts would have made a heroic bid for escape.

Old Man Yama was a statue. He was over two millennia old by that point. I am sure he had way wilder parties under his belt. Ours only lasted a night. By that point in his life, he had a staggering resistance to alcohol. He said that anyone that drank a gallon of saki and could not walk straight was a lightweight. He had to have had at least half of all the grog that night, by himself; he never lost his composure.

Not every one was so fortunate. When we finally regained conciseness, we found a lot of weird things.

Byakuya was in a sakura tree, with his pants on his head. Six hundred years of building a reputation ruined by pink undies.

Kenpachi had obliterated an orchid. He said that he went for a piss, and felt something pierce his skin. Mistaking a thorn for a sword attack (He was pissed as a parrot, remember), he attacked back. Eventually, he had destroyed everything. Nobody had the heart to tell him the truth.

If your wondering how all this happened, I'll explain. Urahara locked us all in gigias that restricted our power to that of a human. That last thing he needed to do was clean up after the most powerful beings around go pissed and wreaked havoc.

Anyway, somebody wrote "GAY" on Renji's back by connecting different pimples together with a marker. Someone else gave a naked Ishida to Nemu, and told her to give him a good time. They said that he needed to relax, get that stick out of his ass. She taped what she did. Mayuri has some weird tastes. He built Nemu to satisfy him. Not knowing any better, she used those same things on poor Ishida. Just the mention of "Tentical" turned him green. He never did manage to live what happened down. It was amazing to see how many hits that tape got.

We found Rukia naked, lying next to a man sized Chappy waering a strap on. Don't ask. I didn't. You think you know weird fans, you got nothing on Rukia. She was a huge freak. This particular fact was forbidden to be told to anyone else, under pain of death by cherry peatals.

Of course Kenpachi took this as a challenge, and bellowed it out to the city. It was on. Kenny won. Take away all of his fancy tricks, shunpo and such, and Byakuya was no match for him. He gave a good go of it though. Be broke three ribs, and Zakari's left ball didn't come back down for a week.

These events, as well as the hangover, didn't put us in the best of moods. We managed to unstick Urahara's face from Yoruichi's crotch long enough for him to unlock the gigia's, and open a gate to SS. We arrived, and everyone headed straight to the fourth division.


End file.
